Double Dip: Coin Flip Bracket + Cool Ranch Death Taco Fun

NCAA tournament brackets and tacos covered in fake salad dressing flavored colorful cocaine powder. Two staples of what America is and stuff. Neither means a damn thing to anyone outside of these borders but within the borders NOTHING ELSE EVEN MATTERS. So, I decided to fill out a bracket with the most reasonable tactic possible, the coin flip, and eat a cool ranch death shit awful taco thing at the SAME DAMN TIME. Here’s what happened. (I took some pictures too!)

Image

Double Dorito flavors because I’m (in Ron Swanson voice) Ca-rayzy.

Image

Before all the madness! (haha get it?)

I was starving so I dove into the taco looking thing first. Now I for one always have issues with my hard shell tacos falling apart on me (especially from Taco Bell) after the first bite, but I was quite surprised when this taco fell apart the second I picked it up. It’s good to see  T-Bell (what cool kids call it) didn’t sacrifice the flimsiness of their shells in the name of fake spice.

After the first bite I realized something amazing had happened. T-Bizzle (what my grandma calls it) had tricked me into giving them 30 more cents for no reason at all, because it had the exact same way too salty beef filling stuff flavor of a normal hard shell taco, and I wasn’t one bit surprised or disappointed. Wow, that’s good business.

Perhaps I’ll use this opportunity to get started on the bracket. First I would like to introduce you to the official coin I used to make my decisions. It is a penny made before anybody reading this was born, and I can only imagine the disgusting places it has been.

Here is the heads side.

Image1946!

And here is the tails side.

ImageOne cent!

For each game the higher seed will be heads, and the lower seed will be tails. In the event of a tie of seeding, whichever team is located higher up on the bracket will be the heads team. There are of course NO RE-FLIPS. I will also be periodically updating my taco adventure throughout ingestion and digestion.

And one last thing before we get into it, I’m both ignoring the play-in games, but also counting each one as it’s own separate round, so all of the regionals are starting in round five, because what other way makes any sense at all?

Midwest Region Round 5

#1 Lousiville vs. #16 N.C A&T/Liberty – Clearly a coin flip shouldn’t be needed in this situation because Liberty is the favorite in this game, granted they win their game in round 1, but that’s why we do this. Result- It’s heads and Louisville pulls the upset!

#8 Colorado State vs. #9 Missouri – Better idea. Let’s turn this into a mascot fight. Rams vs. Tigers. I’m being told I don’t have the resources or sufficient land mass to hold this event so a coin flip it is. Result- Tigers maul Rams.

#5 Oklahoma State vs. #12 Oregon – These schools have basketball teams? Result- Oregon, which will be now referred to as What Is Basketball University

#4 Saint Louis vs. #13 New Mexico State – Without the help of Google, can anybody tell me what a Billiken is? Anybody at all? Result- New Mexico State shares the same mascot as Oklahoma State, but not the same fate as them. They move on!

#6 Memphis vs. #11 winner of round 2 play in game – Seriously, these play-in games are probably more important than the actual tournament, probably. Result- The two play-in teams band together and defeat Memphis! (That’s how it works, right?)

#3 Michigan State vs. #14 Valparaiso – This should be easy for the coin gods. Tom Izzo is the king of March. Result- The flip is tails and Michigan State moves o-WHAT THE FUCK? VALPNOOOOOO

#7 Creighton vs. #10 Cincinnati – Sure to be a real humdinger of a game, or something. Result- Creighton moves on and henceforth shall be known as “Cray”

#2 Duke vs. #15 Albany – Man, how funny would it be if Duke lost to a 15-seed for the second year in a row? I’d probably stop watching the tournament if they did because I would be 100% satisfi-Result- Dammit. Duke survives.

Wow, that was riveting. My cool ranch shit taco extreme is now gone and I’m pretty depressed with my life choices so whatever.

West Region Round 5

#1 Gonzaga vs. #16 Southern U – I don’t know much about Southern, but I imagine the school is located in the south. It wouldn’t surprise me if it wasn’t. Gonzaga is everyone’s pick to lose earlier then they should, but in round one? Pshh, like that’ll happen. Result- The south wins and shall now be known as some word that means laughter for their remainder of the time in the bracket.

#8 Picksburgh vs. #9 Wichita St. – Yeah, it’s technically Pittsburgh, but it’s really Picksburgh. They’re hicks and they talk weird. Result- Which team wins? It’s Wich.

#5 Bo Ryan vs. #12 Marshall Henderson – Man this fight is going to be good. Henderson is wild and unorthodox but Bo Ryan is an expert at sitting on people and being boring and weird and Dracula looking. Result- Bo Ryan wins without throwing a single punch, which sucks.

#4 Kansas State vs. #13 Round 4 play-in game winner- Why does the South Region not have a play-in game, but the Midwest has two. That doesn’t make any oh wait I get it now. Result- Kansas State wins by 100.

#6 Arizona vs. #11 Belmont – Well, this is a boring game. Result- Arizona

#7 Notre Dame vs. #10 Iowa State – Notre Dame has been riding the new pope momentum lately and has changed their name to Pope Francis University. Result- Pope Francis with his biggest win of the year!

#2 Ohio vs. #15 Iona – C’monnnnn Iona. YOU CAN DO THIS! Result- Dammit again. Ohio wins.

That mexican death machine I ate isn’t sitting well. I think i’m allergic to ranch flavored dust.

South Region Round 5

#1 Kansas vs. #16 Western Kentucky – If this was football, it would be a much more even game. Thank god this isn’t football. Result- Kansas wins the coin toss and the game.

#8 North Carolina vs. #9 Villanova – These teams both suck. Result- Nova wins and we all laugh at Carolina.

#5 VCU vs. #12 Akron – Shaka Smart’s VCU Rams are the team nobody wants to play against, and I can only imagine Akron is shaking in their space boots. Result- MORE LIKE SHAKA DUMB! AKRON IS GONNA SHOW YOU WHAT’S UP LEBRON JAMES!

#4 Michigan vs. #13 South Dakota State – Michigan touts the Big Ten P.O.Y in Trey Burke in a matchup against what I can only assume is a team full of white dudes who shoot a lot of threes. Result- The white dudes three point shoot their way to victory!

#6 UCLA vs. #11 Minnesota – UCLA’s best player was seen playing beer pong on the intreweb with his head coach a couple of weeks ago, so he’s totally locked in on this one. Result- Minnesota cruises in spite of Tubby Smith being their coach.

#3 Florida vs. #14 Northwestern State – I like to imagine N.W.S is a tiny little school that is right behind Northwestern and they just sit there waving their NCAA tournament banner all of the time, because Northwestern is the only team from a power conference to never make the big dance. Imagine if they won. Result- Imagine no more! Northwestern State wins and joins the Big Ten immediately!

#7 San Diego State vs. #10 Oklahoma- This region is awful. Result- Technically San Diego State wins, but we all lose.

#2 Georgetown vs. #15 Florida Gulf Coast – I really hope F.G.C wins because I would like to go golfing there one day. It’s a golf course, right? Result- The golf course wins!

My skin has turned a light shade of green after ingesting whatever that thing was. I think that’s a part of the fun though.

East Region Round 5

#1 Indiana vs. #16 Round 3 play-in game winner – This bracket has been pretty un-crazy for a coin-flip bracket. Let’s introduce a little anarchy to the system, eh round 3 champion? Result- Indiana keeps things boring with a win.

#8 N.C State vs. #9 Temple – I know two things about Temple: They play some basketball there and Bill Cosby went there. C’mon team sweaters! Result- All the puddin pops in the world couldn’t stop Temple as they roll.

#5 UNLV vs. #12 California – I’m told that UNLV being a five seed is laughable and Cal is the worst team in the world, so yay. Result- The Rebels are off an runnin’ (ha this is fun!)

#4 Syracuse vs. #13 Montana – You’re telling me people in Montana actually know what basketball is? Bullshit. Syracuse will definitely lose at some point before they should, will it be now? Result- Nope, Syracuse wins and Montana goes back to cowboying or whatever.

#6 Butler vs. #11 Bucknell – Butts vs Bucks. Who’s it gonna be? Result- Brad Stevens celebrates his first facial hair with a tournament victory. Butts win!

#3 Marquette vs. #14 Davidson – Dwayne Wade used to play at Marquette. Steph Curry used to play at Davidson. That’s all I’ve got. Result- Steph Curry wins!

#7 Illinois vs. #10 Colorado – This game is being hailed as the 2013 Punt Bowl and it’s sure to be a dandy and thank the lord this isn’t football. Result- The Illini get ill [shows self out]

#2 Miami vs. #15 Pacific – The Hurricanes are good, but are they good enough to beat an entire ocean? Doubt it. Result- The only thing that can stop an ocean is an oil company, which Miami is not. Pacific crashes the party.

Wow, what an exciting round five! I’m not going to waste any time because I need to finish this before I die of food poisoning.

Midwest Region Round 6

#1 Louisville vs. #9 Missouri – A lot of o’s, s’s, i’s, and u’s in this matchup. This is stupid. Result- Zoo beats Lou

#12 What Is Basketball vs. #13 New Mexico State – I wonder how Oregon’s spring practices are? Did you see they just released their depth chart? I miss Chip Kelly. Result- No fans? No problem. W.I.B? University moves on.

#11 Stupid play-in winner vs. #14 ValpNOOO – The Valping Valps are riding high off of their first round upset of Tom Izzo’s Spartans who have somehow advanced to the final four already. Result- ValpNOPROBLEM Cinderella keeps dancing.

#2 Duke vs. #7 Cray – If Cray wins this match they will be upgraded to Cray!! Result- Cray!!

I think I’m feeling better now.

West Region Round 6

#16 HAHA vs. #9 Wichita State – Can the HAHA’s keep things funny and earn themselves a new team name? Result- LULZ! They’ve done it!

#5 Bo Ryan vs. #4 Kansas State – Ever watch a toothbrush wrestle a hammock? It’s more exciting than this game will be. Result- Kansas State rolls 3-2

#6 Arizona vs. #3 New Mexico – This southeastern mashup is sure to be spicy and full of flavor. Taco Bell fucking sucks. Result- The Lobos go loco on Arizona.

#7 Pope Francis vs. #2 Ohio – I hope they both lose. Result- That new pope smell has worn off and things get real musty as Ohio advances much to Brady Hoke’s Chagrin (he really doesn’t care, he’s off eating something, somewhere.)

I’m not fine. Send help please.

South Region Round 6

#1 Kansas vs. #9 Villanova – Isn’t it the University of Kansas? Why the hell do they go by K.U? That’s stupid. Result- Rock Chalk Stupid Damn Coin! Dyslexic Kansas wins.

#12 Akron vs. #13 White three point shooters – I hope I’m not being racist against my own race with my assumptions about South Dakota State. Having never seen them play I still somehow know I’m right about their team makeup. Anyways. Result- Akron keeps proving LeBron James wrong, or something like that. Whatever. Narratives.

#11 Minnesota vs. #14 Better than Northwestern – A matchup of the newest B1G member Northwestern State and the team that everybody always forgets when they try to list off all of the B1G teams. This game is hopefully being played near a black hole. Result- The Gophers stay Golden, Pony Boy.

#7 San Diego State vs. #15 Florida Golf Course – The golf course has a chip on their shoulder as they try to putt away their opponent by driving the ball down the middle. When’s golf weather going to get here? 😦 Result- The Golf Course keeps on golfing er playing basketball or whatever they do down there. They won, is what I’m trying to say.

Help. Me.

East Region Round 6

#1 Indiana vs. #9 Bill Cosby University – Indiana will lose this game if there is any justice in the world. Tom Crean deserves to lose. He’s really earned it. Result- No justice in this cruel, cruel world. The Hoosiers didn’t lose.

#5 UNLV vs. #4 Syracus – The overrated Rebels against the overrated Jim Boeheim. Who is going to live up to their expectation of falling short of expectations? Result- Syracuse exceeds our wildest dreams and crashes and burns in the sixth round!

#6 Butler vs. #14 Davidson – Butler is always a tough out in March, but the fighting Steph Curry’s haven’t lost in a while (thanks Google.) Should be a dandy matchup. Result- Butler wins when Steph Curry doesn’t play for Davidson anymore.

#7 Illinois vs. #15 Pacific Ocean – Well if a hurricane couldn’t beat the Pacific Ocean, then the state of Illinois doesn’t stand a chance. Result- This just in, the state of Illinois is so boring and dry that it has sucked up all of the Pacific Ocean. Illini stay ill. [quits]

I need a break from this or I’m going to throw up.

Midwest Region Sexy Sixteen

#9 Missouri vs. #12 Oregon Football University – If Oregon wins this one, their name will officially be changed to Seriously? Basketball? And if Mizzoo wins we all get a zoo. (fingers crossed) Result- Seriously? Basketball?

#14 Valphowarewestillinthisthing vs. #7 Cray!! – Seriously Valpo, go away. I’m really pulling for Cray!! here. Result- On the next round is CRAY!!

West Region Sexy Sixteen

#16 LULZ vs. #4 Kansas State – As likely as this matchup is to happen, something crazy always happens in March. That’s why they call it March Madness. It’s too bad though, I’d love to see LULZ take on the other team at Bill Snyder’s University. Result- Stupid Kansas State wins. Fun suckers.

#3 New Mexico vs. #2 Ohio – This is weirdly normal and somewhat expected. If New Mexico wins I’m going to have to Google what a Lobo is, so go Ohio? Result- JK LOBOS WIN AND EVERYBODY IS HAPPY!

South Region Sexy Sixteen

#1 Kansas vs. #12 Akron – This will probably happen. And K.U (U of K?) will probably win. You know what they say, that’s why we flip the coin. Result- Bill Self hammertimes his way to the next round.

#11 Minnesota vs. #15 Florida Golf Club – In light of their recent NCAA success Florida Golf Course has been upgraded to a Florida Golf Club! How riveting! Maybe they’ll become a country club if they win it all! Result- This was the craziest flip of the day as I really got a hold of the penny and it flung into parts unknown. Took me a couple minutes to find it. It was a nerve-wracking experience to say the lease, but The Golf Club pulls it off miraculously on the first playoff hole!

East Region Sexy Sixteen

#1 Indiana vs. #5 UNLV – Seriously, I just want Indiana to be out. My team has long been eliminated and now all I can hope for is a Hoosier loss. Result- Fucking coin. Hoosiers win.

#6 Butler vs. #7 Illinois – Illinois is now fully saturated from sucking up the entire Pacific Ocean last round and I’m not sure they have enough left to take down the Butts. Result- Yes they do! Illinois somehow advances. Even in a coin-flip bracket it doesn’t seem possible.

Trips to the final four are on the line! I’m going to dive into my chicken burrito now, because if there is one thing that helps food poisoning it’s more Taco Bell.

Midwest Region Eagletastic Eight

#12 Seriously? Basketball? vs. #7 CRAY!! – Find me another bracket that has this matchup and I’ll call you a fucking liar and burn that bracket right in front of you! Result- Seriously? Basketball? wins and changes their name again. This time to “REALLY?! We’re good at basketball? :(” This is Pulitzer winning shit y’all.

Here’s how the bracket shook out.

Image

West Region Evil Eight

#4 Kansas State vs. #3 New Mexico – On my bracket it says “Aww, man. Fun suckers” vs. “What is a lobo?” Not quite sure what to make of that. Come to think of it I’m not even sure New Mexico’s mascot is a lobo, or whatever. I don’t think anybody really cares. Result- The fun suckers prevail.

Here’s this bracket.

Image

South Region Everyman’s Eight

#1 Dyslexic Kansas vs. Florida Golf Club – Nobody likes Kansas outside of Kansas so everybody chant along with me. GOLF CLUB! GOLF CLUB! GOLF CLUB! GOLF CLUB! GOLF CLUB! Result- The dream dies as Kansas sets fire to the Golf Club and drives all of their carts into water hazards.

Here’s the South bracket.

Image

East Region Whatever Eight

#1 Indiana vs. #7 Illinois – FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET THIS COIN LAND ON TAILS. The Illini beat Indian once, so they can do it again, right? RIGHT?! Result- NO! NO! NO! SHIT NO!

And the dumb East bracket.

Image

Way too much cilantro on that chicken burrito and I’m dead.

FINAL FOUR!!!

#12 REALLY?! We’re good at basketball?! 😦 vs. #4 Kansas State Fun Suckers – This is what my bracket has come down to and I’m embarrassed. Result- Kansas State wins and nobody cares about it, because it’s almost football time.

#1 Kansas vs. #1 Stupid Indiana – I couldn’t be more pissed that both one seeds are in the final four. Coin-flip brackets are dumb. I don’t even care anymore, but c’mon Kansas. Result- This isn’t real. Indiana moves on to the finals.

National Championship Game

#4 Kansas State vs. #1 Indiana – If I just spent two hours flipping a dumb penny, eating shitty food and writing all of this dumb bullshit for Indiana to win a COIN-FLIP bracket I’m going to break everything I own and move to Switzerland. Please. God. Result- Switzerland it is. I can’t even. I’m going to die.

I regret doing this and I hate everything. Whatever.

Here’s the final bracket.

Image

Advertisements

Super Bowl Predictions: No Logic Allowed

Odds are you have been watching a ton of Super Bowl coverage the last two weeks; watching talking heads deliver information about what they think are the keys to the game. By now you’ve probably got your bets, if you’re the type, in, but if you’re stuck on some decisions, have no fear for I am here. Without further ado and wasted words here are my musings on some of the available bets. 

Disclaimer: I am in no way an expert and I am going to use no logic to make these decisions, so listen to me and I guarantee you’ll win.**

**Not a real guarantee. 

Will the national anthem be over/under 2:10? We live in a country that bets absurd amounts of money on our National Anthem. Seriously, we’re all degenerates. We bet $94,000,000 on last years game and that only includes legal sports books. Three countries had lower GDP’s in 2011. Just wanted to point that out. Take the under. 

Will the coin flip be heads or tails? I couldn’t figure out what I could do to make a prediction here, so I flipped a coin. It was heads.

Which team will win the coin flip? Joe Flacco will be standing in the vicinity of the flip, so even if Baltimore wins, they really lose. 

Which team will score first? The team who scores first wins a certain percentage of the time, so you can see how important scoring first is. Colin Kaepernick has a pet turtle, and if there’s one thing turtles are known for it’s starting fast. Sounds like money in the bank to me. Go with San Francisco here.

Which player will score the first touchdown? Uhhh somehow the dummies over at Bovada have Ray Lewis listed at 50-1, and don’t even act like there is a chance somebody else is scoring that first TD.

Which player will record the first reception of the game? Not sure how this happened, but Ray Lewis got left of this list. They must mean besides him. If that is the case then you would be dumb to not take the greatest receiver to ever to play the 49ers. Delanie Walker. That guy has to kick so much ass when he is bored.

How many yards will Joe Flacco throw for? The number on this one is 250 yards. It doesn’t really say whether or not this number includes yards thrown for by his eyebrow, so I’m going to assume it does. Definitely going to be over.

How many touchdowns will Colin Kaepernick throw? The number is 1.5 touchdowns, but you have to remember this guy has a huge pet turtle AND half sleeve tattoos. Total badass. Over.

How many total tackles and assists will Ray Lewis have? I wasn’t sure which way to go on this one and then I realized the number was 11.5 and not 111.5. We’re going to win so much money, you guys.

How long will Frank Gore’s longest rush be? Well the number is 17.5 and I’m pretty sure Frank Gore can’t run that far without getting really tired, so I’d definitely take the under.

Will Randy Moss score a touchdown? Yes, Randy Moss will score a touchdown. Randy Moss will score a hundred touchdowns. Yup, a hundred.

How long will the post game handshake last between the Harbaugh brothers? It didn’t say anything about the bare knuckle boxing match those two are going to have after the game, but I think they are using the common knowledge that Harbaughs shake hands by fighting each other. I’ve got John in a slugfest that lasts way longer then the six seconds Bovada thinks it will last. 

Will Jay-Z be shown on television during the game? My inside sources are telling me that Jay-Z is going to kick the first PAT of the game for Baltimore, so yeah I’d say he’s going to get shown on TV.

Will any player get an excessive celebration penalty? Help us all if Ray Lewis actually gets his hands on the football during this game. There aren’t enough flags in the world to stop that man from dancing his deer antler infused heart out. But yeah, this will happen.

What color Gatorade will be dumped on the winning team’s coach? Yeah, like the Harbaughs let their players drink anything but water. C’mon Vegas, give me a challenge here.

How many times will Ray Lewis say God/Lord during his post game interview? The number here is 3. lol.

How many total points will be scored? I don’t even need to look up the number for this one. Under.

Who will win the game? Here were are. The most important prediction of the evening! Who is it gonna be? San Francisco is currently favored by four right now and what this game is really going to come down to is which team scores more points. That’s how you win and that’s football. Take the Ravens to win and Ray Lewis to win the MVP, because that’s just how these things work.

Enjoy all of your winnings!

 

 

 

Titus Young: I Can’t Believe I Just Wrote This.

Welp, my re-arrival to the 1-3-1 Sports team has come a day early. Lucky you.

I was just working on some Super Bowl musings (Was my original plan of re-arriving) when I stumbled across the quote, “Titus Young can’t be traded,” or something like that. Don’t quote me. It was a tweet from Dave Birkett, go look it up for yourself if you need all of the facts. (@davebirkett) Man, I am a journalistic integrity machine.

Anyways, I read that and thought, “Hm. I’ve been hearing this a lot lately, and I don’t think I agree with it.” So, I decided to sort of analyze this statement from a statistical standpoint. (I get it, it’s the off field stuff. I’ll get there.)

The theory was simple enough, a 7th round draft pick is presumably the least valuable player (or soon to be player) that Titus Young could be traded for. An average 7th round pick is worth about nine points according to the NFL Draft Point Value Chart. (Pictured below) I realize no-name practice players could be considered less valuable than 7th round picks, and there could be an argument there, but it would be arguing over semantics at that point.

Image

(neat point chart!)

So, the common thought about Titus Young is that he is untradeable and any value he had was squashed to bits when he went on his Twitter and dared the Lions to cut him. (I wish I could link to this, but I can’t figure it out on this fancy new system we’re using.) By saying this (Young is untradeable) people are saying they would rather draft a player in the 7th round than have Titus Young on their team. It is a fair statement to make, and most people probably agree with it because nobody wants a diva receiver who seems to make more trouble than plays. I, (again) lucky for you, am here to argue that point.

To start I went back and looked at the 7th round (including all compensatory picks) of the last two drafts and I picked out all of the receivers that were taken and what their career stats were.  Next, I looked up Titus Young’s career stats and I compared them. The results for this were as follows.

2012 NFL Draft – Five receivers taken in the 7th round. 15 catches for 195 yards.

2011 NFL Draft – Four receivers taken in the 7th round. 19 catches for 215 yards and one touchdown.

7th round receivers total – 34 catches for 410 yards and one touchdown.

Titus Young Sr. (lol…sr.) – 81 catches for 990 yards and ten touchdowns.

Obviously, the numbers aren’t even close, and I didn’t expect them to be. I also don’t think this a totally fair data set either. Young was a 2nd round pick so a pretty high level of production is expected. To counter this I added another draft.

2010 NFL draft – Three receivers taken in the 7th round. 20 catches for 208 yards. I must also note that Marc Mariani was taken in the 7th round of this draft and has three career return touchdowns for Tennessee.

New 7th rounders total – 54 catches 618 yards and four total touchdowns, three of which came from one guy on punt/kick returns.

Young’s unchanged totals – 81 catches for 990 yards and ten touchdowns

Still. Not. Close.

I then decided I would do this until the 7th round players actually passed Young’s numbers. It didn’t take long, because next up was the 2009 NFL draft, which I am now declaring the greatest 7th round for receivers ever. Eight receivers were taken in the round, highlighted by Julian Edelman and Sammie Stroughter (Don’t google him, he’s on Tampa Bay). Edelman’s career numbers (four seasons) are 69 catches for 714 yards and four touchdowns. He also does a good bit of returning and has three career return touchdowns. Stroughter came in with a 60-639-1 line, which, you know, isn’t really awful. The other six receivers combined for 39 catches for about 500 yards and two touchdowns. This has all been done over four seasons, mind you.

So, it’s pretty safe to say that Edelman is the best 7th round receiver in this group and in four seasons he isn’t really close to the numbers Young put up in a season and a half. Outside of Edelman only Stroughter and Mariani have provided much of anything to their teams. Three total players out of the twenty that were picked. 15%.

We’re almost there.

“Okay, so Young has better numbers than a bumbling group of 7th rounders, what about the off the field stuff? That is the root of all of this.”

Yes, he is a diva and a child, there’s no denying that. But he can (and for his sake, hopefully will) grow up. An organization with a “good locker room” and strong veteran presence could be really great for Young (Think of what Ray Lewis and Anquan Boldin would have done to him this season). Obviously this would be an ideal situation for Young to land in.

Let’s say he doesn’t go to a good place and he continues on the same path he has for his first two seasons. Even with all of his off field issues, Young played in 26 of his first 32 games, or 81%. So he was unavailable and useless 19% of the time. Remember that group of 7th round guys? Well seven of those 20 had/have zero career offensive statistics. 35%. Titus got you nothing 19% of the time, 7th round receivers got you nothing 35% of the time and that’s not including the large chunk of players with super minimal production (one career catch, three career catches, etc.) Even with all of his off the field issues, he is way more reliable than your average 7th round receiver.

So, what’s the point of all this? Titus Young smashes the 7th rounders in stats, and while I expected their to be a very sizable gap between the two, I didn’t realize quite how big it would be. Three full rounds of receivers didn’t come close to Young’s numbers, so from that standpoint it would make sense to give up three seventh round picks for Titus Young. Hardly “untradeable”.

His off the field issues make him a tough sell, but the numbers (they never lie right?) show that he is almost two times more reliable to be on the field producing than a 7th round receiver is. If you would have a problem paying 2nd round money for a risk, then I totally understand, but he could be worth the risk for a bold GM out there.

Well I was going to wrap everything up and make a final point, but I just realized I researched and wrote a way too long piece for the sole purpose of arguing that Titus Young has no value as trade bait, because I got annoyed by a few quotes by irresponsible commenters. I let the words of others get to me and I’m truly disappointed in myself. I don’t even like Titus Young. What the hell?

Here’s my new final point. Titus Young + change of scenery = good. 7th round draft pick = bad. I would give up a 7th round pick for him and I would have done it yesterday.

Bye.

___________________________________________________________________

Author: Burt Reynolds, or something

Grading the Lions’ Draft.

1st round – Riley Reiff, OT, Iowa – Although the pick is “boring” I was quite happy with it. Reiff was projected in the top 15 of most drafts and getting him at 23 was a very good value. Expect him to play at  right tackle next year and be an upgrade of Gosder Cherilus. He is a physical run blocker and was durable in his two years starting at Iowa. Grade: A-

2nd round – Ryan Broyles, WR, Oklahoma – The most controversial pick of the Lions’ draft; without a doubt. Broyles was extremely productive, when healthy, at Oklahoma, but wide receiver isn’t a need, as far as any of us know. I was mad at first when the Lion’s made this pick, but the rest of their draft changed my mind about it (see explanation below). When Broyles is healthy he will be another talented piece to the Lions’ offensive puzzle and can help in the return game. Grade: C

3rd round – Dwight “Bill” Bently, CB, Louisiana Lafayette – Although I have been unable to read Mel Kiper and Todd Mcshay’s mock drafts for day 2 (I need to get ESPN Insider) I have been told they BOTH had the Lions draft Bently in the 2nd round. We got him in the 3rd. He is a 4.4 guy who has good ball skills. Although undersized, he has the potential to be a playmaker in the secondary. This pick alone made the Broyles pick OK in my book. If we took Bently in the 2nd round, like the “experts” thought, and Broyles in the 3rd round nobody would be upset about it. Grade: A-

4th round – Ronnell Lewis, DE/OLB, Oklahoma – Lewis has the potential to be the best value the Lions got in this draft. He is a fast and physical edge rusher who can provide a jump for the defense. He is a smaller guy, but I’m sure the Lions will have a few blitz packages drawn up specifically for him. If he adds some more pounds to his frame he could be a full time DE with his hand in the ground every game.  I expect him to remain similar to the size he is now and be used mainly as a hybrid type player that is moved all over the place. Injury problems and a history of poor performance in the classroom caused him to fall to the 4th round. Grade: B

Late Rounds – 5 -Tahir Whitehead, OLB, Temple, 5 – Chris Greenwood, CB, Albion, 6 – Jonte Green, CB, New Mexico State, 7 – Travis Lewis, ILB, Oklahoma. Like most late round picks, none of these guys are close to a sure thing. Whitehead will be a strong special teams player this year and could possibly develop into a good linebacker in his career. Greenwood is an athletic freak at corner and dominated Division III this past season. Who knows how he will handle the adjustment to the NFL. Jonte Green will be another special teamer who can possibly develop into a 3rd coner, or a nickel corner. Travis Lewis left Oklahoma as the 3rd leading tackler in school history. A broken toe early in his senior season caused his draft stock to fall from mid rounds to his 7th round pick. He too could contribute on special teams early. With fifth, sixth and seventh round picks it is more about quantity as opposed to quality. The Lions got a good group in the late rounds and if they hit on one it will be a success. Grade : B-

Final grade: B. Overall it was a good draft. Not great. Not bad, but good. When reviewing the draft it is important to react to ALL of the picks as a whole, not individually. The Broyles pick looked a lot better after the third round pick of Bently and the six straight defensive picks to end the draft. While it may have been a reach at the time, it worked out. I expect the top four picks to contribute this year and perhaps one or two of the late round guys can make an impact as well.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Author: Wil Hunter

My Red Wings offseason

When the Detroit Red Wings lost to the Nashville Predators Friday night, it was the end of more than a playoff series. The Wings lost in the first round of the playoffs for only the fifth time in the last 21 seasons, and yes, they made the playoffs all 21 times. At the start of the next season this team will be five years removed from their most recent Stanley Cup, with the last three years being early exits from the playoffs. While many franchises would kill for this success, it is not enough, not in Detroit. I have a few offseason needs that I would love to see happen, and if they were to happen it would make the Red Wings one of the favorites next year. The team has cap space and GM Ken Holland decided against using it to make a move at the trade deadline this year. That move will now pay it’s dividends this offseason, allowing Holland, who is one of the best GM’s in all of sports, to work his magic. These are my needs in order of importance.

1. Sign Ryan Suter – Nick Lidstrom is aging and may only have one season left in him. Suter is in the prime of his career and is a physical defensmen who can immediately step in and take over the void Lidstrom leaves, if he does retire.

2. Nick Lidstrom paycut – He is without a doubt one of the best three defensemen to ever play the game and there is no arguing that. However, he turns 42 next week and although his production is still solid, he is no longer a $7 million player. I would over him one year at $3.5 million and if he doesn’t take it, I’d let him walk. Sports is a business and the extra money is absolutely necessary.

3. Sign Zach Parise – Holland will need that money here. It is no secret Parise and Suter want to sign in the same place, so why not Detroit? Parise is a skilled and tough forward who will add more punch to the offense that was exposed in the Nashville series. Parise needs to be a Wing next year.

4. Trade Hudler and Filppula – Don’t get me wrong, I like both of these players. They play both ways and are solid forwards who play well within the Wings system. The downside is they both make $3.5 million and $7 million is too much money for almost no production. They are relatively young so they will have good trade value and we can get some good draft picks for them.

5. More Gustav Nyquist – I came away very impressed with Nyquist’s performance this season and in the playoffs. He is, in my opinion, the best young guy the Wings have and should be a full time NHLer. He played very well and was extremely productive when he was paired up with Datsyuk this season and I want to see more of them together next year.

6. Less Tomas Holmstrom – I love Tomas Holmstrom. He has been a staple of Red Wings hockey for the entire length of his tenure in Detroit. He made his living taking abuse in front of the other teams net, and I still believe he can do that, but that is all he has left to contribute. He was never a skilled guy and he is always a step behind everyone on the ice. He isn’t getting any younger so, as much as it sucks to see, I would like to see his role reduced drastically again.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Author: Wil Hunter

NHL Playoff picks: First Round

The Stanley Cup Playoffs are THE greatest playoff system in all of sports, in my humble opinion, of course. The playoffs start Wednesday so I figured now would be a wonderful time to put down some thoughts and predictions for the first round.

Eastern Conference

1. New York Rangers vs 8. Ottawa Senators

Ottawa has had a nice and very surprising season, and the future looks bright for the Senators. Unfortunately they run into a buzz saw in the first round. The Rangers have one of the most talented teams and are very balanced up front and on the blue line. Henrik Lundqvist is a stud and should lead the Rangers deep into the playoffs.

Rangers in 5

2. Boston Bruins vs 7. Washington Capitals

Expect this to be a very fast and physical series. The Capitals had a down year this season, but are still tremendously talented up front. You can never count Ovechkin and co. out. I expect the Caps to put up a fight, but the Bruins are just too big and too strong. Expect Bergeron and Seguin to have big series’ and help carry the B’s to round two.

Boston in 6

3. Florida Panthers vs. 6. New Jersey Devils

The upstart Panthers won the Southeast division and made the playoffs for the first time since 2000. You may not know much about the Panthers, but they have a good amount of strong hockey players and are very good on the blue line. The devils bring the star power to this series with Brodeur, Kovalchuk, Parise and others. The Devils are still a good team, but are running out of time to win.

Florida in 7

4. Pittsburgh Penguins vs 5. Philadelphia Flyers

This is the series that I am so excited to watch. These two teams are both loaded with talent and they HATE each other. Malkin has been the best player all year for the Penguins and Crosby has looked real strong since his return. Expect Giroux, Hartnell and co. to play an extremely physical game to slow down this Pittsburgh attack. Ilya Bryzgalov needs to have a big series in net for Philly.

Pittsburgh in 7

Western Conference

1. Vancouver Canucks vs. 8. Los Angeles Kings

This series will not be easy for the Canucks. The Kings have been playing better hockey lately after a slow start and will have Jeff Carter returning to the lineup soon. The Cancuks are still loaded up front and will need strong play from the Sedin twins. Ryan Kesler had a down season but was great in last years playoffs. I expect John Quick to make this a great series.

Vancouver in 7

2. St. Louis Blues vs. 7. San Jose Sharks

The San Jose Sharks are not as good as they were the past few seasons and need the last week of the season to squeak into the playoffs. The Blues broke out in a big way this year and play some of the most physical hockey in the NHL, along with boasting good talent all around the team. This series will make a lot of people in Detroit happy.

St. Louis in 5

3. Pheonix Coyotes vs. 6. Chicago Blackhawks

Pheonix has had a very nice season and wrapped up the Pacific division on the last day of the regular season. Mike Smith has been very reliable between the pipes for the ‘Yotes this year. The Blackhawks obviously have great talent up front and have a great top pair of defense men in Keith and Seabrook. One thing they lack is a goaltender and that is a little important in the playoffs.

Pheonix in 6

4. Nashville Predators vs. 5. Detroit Red Wings

Picking this series breaks my heart because although I adore my Red Wings, this series will be an uphill battle. I expect the Wings to step up their play considerably, because they always seem to do that for the playoffs. The Preds have been hot lately and their moves at the deadline have payed off big time. Pekka Rinne is a stud in net for Nashville. So many signs point towards Nashville winning this series that I can’t possibly pick the Wings without losing my integrity. Wait, yes I can, this is my blog. Screw integrity, I’m a homer.

Wings in 7

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Author: Wil Hunter

Former CCHA stars suiting up in the NHL.

If you are a local hockey/college hockey fan you probably heard the great story of how Shawn Hunwick went from lying in his bed prior to class to backing up for the Columbus Bluejackets last night. Today Hunwick signed on for the remainder of the year with the Blue Jackets. It is a great accomplishment for a kid who had to walk on to the Michigan hockey team and earn his time in net. Congratulations and the best of luck, from a Spartan.

Torey Krug left Michigan State last week to sign with the Boston Bruins in hopes to gain some experience for upcoming NHL seasons. It looks like the time for Krug to play has come sooner rather then later as he has impressed the Bruin’s staff enough to suit up for tonight’s game against the Washington Capitals. I, along with the rest of MSU will be rooting for Krug and hopefully finding a television with the Bruins-Caps game on.  Krug did dress for the game tonight and participate in warmups, but is listed as a scratch. Hopefully we can see him in action this season, although it seems unlikely.

Best of luck on the next step Gentlemen.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Author: Wil Hunter

My First Mock Draft (It’s Great)

This is a terribly boring sports day and I feel like writing, so here is my first NFL mock draft. I’ll probably do another right before the first round. I need to grow out my hair and do something dumb with it first. I hear this is the best way to correctly speculate on the NFL draft. I feel like correctly speculate is a contradiction. Anyways…

1. Indianapolis Colts – Andrew Luck QB Stanford- Will challenge Eli for most times drooled on one’s self this year.

2. Washington Redskins – RGIII QB Baylor – Poor guy.

3. Minnesota Vikings – Matt Kalil OT USC – Christian Ponder’s prayers have been answered. Well sort of. He’s still in Minnesota.

4. Cleveland Browns – Trent Richardson RB Alabama – Does anybody even want to get drafted by Cleveland anymore?

5. Tampa Bay Bucs – Morris Claiborne CB LSU – Ronde Barber is old. Claiborne isn’t.

6. St. Louis Ram’s – Justin Blackmon WR Ok. State – Best offseason ever in St. Louis? Yeah.

7. Jacksonville Jaguars – Melvin Ingram DE South. Car. – Perhaps a weapon for Chad Henne? No. There’s a reason the Jags aren’t very good.

8. Miami Dolphins – Ryan Tannehill QB – Again…Poor guy.

9. Carolina Panthers – Dontari Poe DT Memphis –  A video of Poe running his 40. (skip to 3:10)

10. Buffalo Bills – Quinton Coples DE UNC – Bills correct themselves after first trying to draft Harrison Barnes.

11. Kansas City Chiefs – Michael Brockers Dt LSU- Kansas City becomes convinced after Brockers bench presses whole team.

12. Seattle Seahawks – David Decastro G Standford – I have nothing funny for this one.

13. Arizona Cardinals – Reiley Reiff OT Iowa – You need all the o-line help you can get when John Skelton looks to be your best option at QB.

14. Dallas Cowboys – Mark Barron SS Alabama – I owned this defense for part of my fantasy football season. They need help.

15. Philadelphia Eagles – Fletcher Cox DT Miss St. – Great name. Should help fill that giant hole the Eagles called their defense.

16. New York Jets – Andre Branch DE Clemson – Solid rusher. Rex Ryan thinks he has great feet.

17. Cincinnati Bengals – Dre Kirkpatrick CB Alabama – Lol. Pacman Jones and Dre Kirkpatrick. Word.

18. San Diego Chargers – Jonathan Martin OT Stanford – I can never think of jokes for Stanford linemen. They’re perfect. Norv Turner.

19. Chicago Bears – Whitney Mercilus DE Illinois – (Insert Ron Zook punting joke here)

20. Tennessee Titans – Chandler Jones DE Syracuse – Titans had 6.5 sacks last year. I’ll pause so you can think about that.

21. Cincinnati Bengals – Courtney Upshaw OLB Alabama – The Bengals might will be pretty good.

22. Cleveland Browns – Michael Floyd WR Notre Dame – Yay! More weapons that won’t get used!

23. Detroit Lions – Janoris Jenkins CB North Alabama – The lions? Red flags? Character questions? Pshhhhhhh

24. Pittsburgh Steelers – Mike Adams OT Ohio St. – Anyone else feel like the Steelers always get this pick right?

25. Denver Broncos – Jerel Worthy DT – Since Tebow is no longer leading the defense, a big tackle should help.

26. Houston Texans – Kendall Wright WR Baylor – I’m not a fan, but it’s better then (checks roster) Kevin Walter.

27. New England Patriots – Stephon Gilmore CB South Car. – Julian Edelman likes this pick.

28. Green Bay Packers – Peter Konz C Wisconsin- He’s bigger then anyone they have on their line now.

29. Baltimore Ravens – Luke Kuechly ILB Boston College – The slide ends here. I wouldn’t mind learning from Ray Lewis though.

30. San Francisco 49ers – Brock Osweiler QB Arizona St. – Probably won’t happen, but boy would I laugh.

31. New England Patriots – David Wilson RB Va Tech – Patriots like that he occasionally runs for -20 yards on plays. I don’t know why.

32. New York Giants – Dont’a Hightower ILB Alabama – I misspelled his name like 6 times. Should enjoy his life behind that D line.

___________________________________________________________________________________________
Author: Wil Hunter