This is a terribly boring sports day and I feel like writing, so here is my first NFL mock draft. I’ll probably do another right before the first round. I need to grow out my hair and do something dumb with it first. I hear this is the best way to correctly speculate on the NFL draft. I feel like correctly speculate is a contradiction. Anyways…
1. Indianapolis Colts – Andrew Luck QB Stanford- Will challenge Eli for most times drooled on one’s self this year.
2. Washington Redskins – RGIII QB Baylor – Poor guy.
3. Minnesota Vikings – Matt Kalil OT USC – Christian Ponder’s prayers have been answered. Well sort of. He’s still in Minnesota.
4. Cleveland Browns – Trent Richardson RB Alabama – Does anybody even want to get drafted by Cleveland anymore?
5. Tampa Bay Bucs – Morris Claiborne CB LSU – Ronde Barber is old. Claiborne isn’t.
6. St. Louis Ram’s – Justin Blackmon WR Ok. State – Best offseason ever in St. Louis? Yeah.
7. Jacksonville Jaguars – Melvin Ingram DE South. Car. – Perhaps a weapon for Chad Henne? No. There’s a reason the Jags aren’t very good.
8. Miami Dolphins – Ryan Tannehill QB – Again…Poor guy.
9. Carolina Panthers – Dontari Poe DT Memphis – A video of Poe running his 40. (skip to 3:10)
10. Buffalo Bills – Quinton Coples DE UNC – Bills correct themselves after first trying to draft Harrison Barnes.
11. Kansas City Chiefs – Michael Brockers Dt LSU- Kansas City becomes convinced after Brockers bench presses whole team.
12. Seattle Seahawks – David Decastro G Standford – I have nothing funny for this one.
13. Arizona Cardinals – Reiley Reiff OT Iowa – You need all the o-line help you can get when John Skelton looks to be your best option at QB.
14. Dallas Cowboys – Mark Barron SS Alabama – I owned this defense for part of my fantasy football season. They need help.
15. Philadelphia Eagles – Fletcher Cox DT Miss St. – Great name. Should help fill that giant hole the Eagles called their defense.
16. New York Jets – Andre Branch DE Clemson – Solid rusher. Rex Ryan thinks he has great feet.
17. Cincinnati Bengals – Dre Kirkpatrick CB Alabama – Lol. Pacman Jones and Dre Kirkpatrick. Word.
18. San Diego Chargers – Jonathan Martin OT Stanford – I can never think of jokes for Stanford linemen. They’re perfect. Norv Turner.
19. Chicago Bears – Whitney Mercilus DE Illinois – (Insert Ron Zook punting joke here)
20. Tennessee Titans – Chandler Jones DE Syracuse – Titans had 6.5 sacks last year. I’ll pause so you can think about that.
21. Cincinnati Bengals – Courtney Upshaw OLB Alabama – The Bengals
might will be pretty good.
22. Cleveland Browns – Michael Floyd WR Notre Dame – Yay! More weapons that won’t get used!
23. Detroit Lions – Janoris Jenkins CB North Alabama – The lions? Red flags? Character questions? Pshhhhhhh
24. Pittsburgh Steelers – Mike Adams OT Ohio St. – Anyone else feel like the Steelers always get this pick right?
25. Denver Broncos – Jerel Worthy DT – Since Tebow is no longer leading the defense, a big tackle should help.
26. Houston Texans – Kendall Wright WR Baylor – I’m not a fan, but it’s better then (checks roster) Kevin Walter.
27. New England Patriots – Stephon Gilmore CB South Car. – Julian Edelman likes this pick.
28. Green Bay Packers – Peter Konz C Wisconsin- He’s bigger then anyone they have on their line now.
29. Baltimore Ravens – Luke Kuechly ILB Boston College – The slide ends here. I wouldn’t mind learning from Ray Lewis though.
30. San Francisco 49ers – Brock Osweiler QB Arizona St. – Probably won’t happen, but boy would I laugh.
31. New England Patriots – David Wilson RB Va Tech – Patriots like that he occasionally runs for -20 yards on plays. I don’t know why.
32. New York Giants – Dont’a Hightower ILB Alabama – I misspelled his name like 6 times. Should enjoy his life behind that D line.
Author: Wil Hunter