Double Dip: Coin Flip Bracket + Cool Ranch Death Taco Fun

NCAA tournament brackets and tacos covered in fake salad dressing flavored colorful cocaine powder. Two staples of what America is and stuff. Neither means a damn thing to anyone outside of these borders but within the borders NOTHING ELSE EVEN MATTERS. So, I decided to fill out a bracket with the most reasonable tactic possible, the coin flip, and eat a cool ranch death shit awful taco thing at the SAME DAMN TIME. Here’s what happened. (I took some pictures too!)


Double Dorito flavors because I’m (in Ron Swanson voice) Ca-rayzy.


Before all the madness! (haha get it?)

I was starving so I dove into the taco looking thing first. Now I for one always have issues with my hard shell tacos falling apart on me (especially from Taco Bell) after the first bite, but I was quite surprised when this taco fell apart the second I picked it up. It’s good to see  T-Bell (what cool kids call it) didn’t sacrifice the flimsiness of their shells in the name of fake spice.

After the first bite I realized something amazing had happened. T-Bizzle (what my grandma calls it) had tricked me into giving them 30 more cents for no reason at all, because it had the exact same way too salty beef filling stuff flavor of a normal hard shell taco, and I wasn’t one bit surprised or disappointed. Wow, that’s good business.

Perhaps I’ll use this opportunity to get started on the bracket. First I would like to introduce you to the official coin I used to make my decisions. It is a penny made before anybody reading this was born, and I can only imagine the disgusting places it has been.

Here is the heads side.


And here is the tails side.

ImageOne cent!

For each game the higher seed will be heads, and the lower seed will be tails. In the event of a tie of seeding, whichever team is located higher up on the bracket will be the heads team. There are of course NO RE-FLIPS. I will also be periodically updating my taco adventure throughout ingestion and digestion.

And one last thing before we get into it, I’m both ignoring the play-in games, but also counting each one as it’s own separate round, so all of the regionals are starting in round five, because what other way makes any sense at all?

Midwest Region Round 5

#1 Lousiville vs. #16 N.C A&T/Liberty – Clearly a coin flip shouldn’t be needed in this situation because Liberty is the favorite in this game, granted they win their game in round 1, but that’s why we do this. Result- It’s heads and Louisville pulls the upset!

#8 Colorado State vs. #9 Missouri – Better idea. Let’s turn this into a mascot fight. Rams vs. Tigers. I’m being told I don’t have the resources or sufficient land mass to hold this event so a coin flip it is. Result- Tigers maul Rams.

#5 Oklahoma State vs. #12 Oregon – These schools have basketball teams? Result- Oregon, which will be now referred to as What Is Basketball University

#4 Saint Louis vs. #13 New Mexico State – Without the help of Google, can anybody tell me what a Billiken is? Anybody at all? Result- New Mexico State shares the same mascot as Oklahoma State, but not the same fate as them. They move on!

#6 Memphis vs. #11 winner of round 2 play in game – Seriously, these play-in games are probably more important than the actual tournament, probably. Result- The two play-in teams band together and defeat Memphis! (That’s how it works, right?)

#3 Michigan State vs. #14 Valparaiso – This should be easy for the coin gods. Tom Izzo is the king of March. Result- The flip is tails and Michigan State moves o-WHAT THE FUCK? VALPNOOOOOO

#7 Creighton vs. #10 Cincinnati – Sure to be a real humdinger of a game, or something. Result- Creighton moves on and henceforth shall be known as “Cray”

#2 Duke vs. #15 Albany – Man, how funny would it be if Duke lost to a 15-seed for the second year in a row? I’d probably stop watching the tournament if they did because I would be 100% satisfi-Result- Dammit. Duke survives.

Wow, that was riveting. My cool ranch shit taco extreme is now gone and I’m pretty depressed with my life choices so whatever.

West Region Round 5

#1 Gonzaga vs. #16 Southern U – I don’t know much about Southern, but I imagine the school is located in the south. It wouldn’t surprise me if it wasn’t. Gonzaga is everyone’s pick to lose earlier then they should, but in round one? Pshh, like that’ll happen. Result- The south wins and shall now be known as some word that means laughter for their remainder of the time in the bracket.

#8 Picksburgh vs. #9 Wichita St. – Yeah, it’s technically Pittsburgh, but it’s really Picksburgh. They’re hicks and they talk weird. Result- Which team wins? It’s Wich.

#5 Bo Ryan vs. #12 Marshall Henderson – Man this fight is going to be good. Henderson is wild and unorthodox but Bo Ryan is an expert at sitting on people and being boring and weird and Dracula looking. Result- Bo Ryan wins without throwing a single punch, which sucks.

#4 Kansas State vs. #13 Round 4 play-in game winner- Why does the South Region not have a play-in game, but the Midwest has two. That doesn’t make any oh wait I get it now. Result- Kansas State wins by 100.

#6 Arizona vs. #11 Belmont – Well, this is a boring game. Result- Arizona

#7 Notre Dame vs. #10 Iowa State – Notre Dame has been riding the new pope momentum lately and has changed their name to Pope Francis University. Result- Pope Francis with his biggest win of the year!

#2 Ohio vs. #15 Iona – C’monnnnn Iona. YOU CAN DO THIS! Result- Dammit again. Ohio wins.

That mexican death machine I ate isn’t sitting well. I think i’m allergic to ranch flavored dust.

South Region Round 5

#1 Kansas vs. #16 Western Kentucky – If this was football, it would be a much more even game. Thank god this isn’t football. Result- Kansas wins the coin toss and the game.

#8 North Carolina vs. #9 Villanova – These teams both suck. Result- Nova wins and we all laugh at Carolina.

#5 VCU vs. #12 Akron – Shaka Smart’s VCU Rams are the team nobody wants to play against, and I can only imagine Akron is shaking in their space boots. Result- MORE LIKE SHAKA DUMB! AKRON IS GONNA SHOW YOU WHAT’S UP LEBRON JAMES!

#4 Michigan vs. #13 South Dakota State – Michigan touts the Big Ten P.O.Y in Trey Burke in a matchup against what I can only assume is a team full of white dudes who shoot a lot of threes. Result- The white dudes three point shoot their way to victory!

#6 UCLA vs. #11 Minnesota – UCLA’s best player was seen playing beer pong on the intreweb with his head coach a couple of weeks ago, so he’s totally locked in on this one. Result- Minnesota cruises in spite of Tubby Smith being their coach.

#3 Florida vs. #14 Northwestern State – I like to imagine N.W.S is a tiny little school that is right behind Northwestern and they just sit there waving their NCAA tournament banner all of the time, because Northwestern is the only team from a power conference to never make the big dance. Imagine if they won. Result- Imagine no more! Northwestern State wins and joins the Big Ten immediately!

#7 San Diego State vs. #10 Oklahoma- This region is awful. Result- Technically San Diego State wins, but we all lose.

#2 Georgetown vs. #15 Florida Gulf Coast – I really hope F.G.C wins because I would like to go golfing there one day. It’s a golf course, right? Result- The golf course wins!

My skin has turned a light shade of green after ingesting whatever that thing was. I think that’s a part of the fun though.

East Region Round 5

#1 Indiana vs. #16 Round 3 play-in game winner – This bracket has been pretty un-crazy for a coin-flip bracket. Let’s introduce a little anarchy to the system, eh round 3 champion? Result- Indiana keeps things boring with a win.

#8 N.C State vs. #9 Temple – I know two things about Temple: They play some basketball there and Bill Cosby went there. C’mon team sweaters! Result- All the puddin pops in the world couldn’t stop Temple as they roll.

#5 UNLV vs. #12 California – I’m told that UNLV being a five seed is laughable and Cal is the worst team in the world, so yay. Result- The Rebels are off an runnin’ (ha this is fun!)

#4 Syracuse vs. #13 Montana – You’re telling me people in Montana actually know what basketball is? Bullshit. Syracuse will definitely lose at some point before they should, will it be now? Result- Nope, Syracuse wins and Montana goes back to cowboying or whatever.

#6 Butler vs. #11 Bucknell – Butts vs Bucks. Who’s it gonna be? Result- Brad Stevens celebrates his first facial hair with a tournament victory. Butts win!

#3 Marquette vs. #14 Davidson – Dwayne Wade used to play at Marquette. Steph Curry used to play at Davidson. That’s all I’ve got. Result- Steph Curry wins!

#7 Illinois vs. #10 Colorado – This game is being hailed as the 2013 Punt Bowl and it’s sure to be a dandy and thank the lord this isn’t football. Result- The Illini get ill [shows self out]

#2 Miami vs. #15 Pacific – The Hurricanes are good, but are they good enough to beat an entire ocean? Doubt it. Result- The only thing that can stop an ocean is an oil company, which Miami is not. Pacific crashes the party.

Wow, what an exciting round five! I’m not going to waste any time because I need to finish this before I die of food poisoning.

Midwest Region Round 6

#1 Louisville vs. #9 Missouri – A lot of o’s, s’s, i’s, and u’s in this matchup. This is stupid. Result- Zoo beats Lou

#12 What Is Basketball vs. #13 New Mexico State – I wonder how Oregon’s spring practices are? Did you see they just released their depth chart? I miss Chip Kelly. Result- No fans? No problem. W.I.B? University moves on.

#11 Stupid play-in winner vs. #14 ValpNOOO – The Valping Valps are riding high off of their first round upset of Tom Izzo’s Spartans who have somehow advanced to the final four already. Result- ValpNOPROBLEM Cinderella keeps dancing.

#2 Duke vs. #7 Cray – If Cray wins this match they will be upgraded to Cray!! Result- Cray!!

I think I’m feeling better now.

West Region Round 6

#16 HAHA vs. #9 Wichita State – Can the HAHA’s keep things funny and earn themselves a new team name? Result- LULZ! They’ve done it!

#5 Bo Ryan vs. #4 Kansas State – Ever watch a toothbrush wrestle a hammock? It’s more exciting than this game will be. Result- Kansas State rolls 3-2

#6 Arizona vs. #3 New Mexico – This southeastern mashup is sure to be spicy and full of flavor. Taco Bell fucking sucks. Result- The Lobos go loco on Arizona.

#7 Pope Francis vs. #2 Ohio – I hope they both lose. Result- That new pope smell has worn off and things get real musty as Ohio advances much to Brady Hoke’s Chagrin (he really doesn’t care, he’s off eating something, somewhere.)

I’m not fine. Send help please.

South Region Round 6

#1 Kansas vs. #9 Villanova – Isn’t it the University of Kansas? Why the hell do they go by K.U? That’s stupid. Result- Rock Chalk Stupid Damn Coin! Dyslexic Kansas wins.

#12 Akron vs. #13 White three point shooters – I hope I’m not being racist against my own race with my assumptions about South Dakota State. Having never seen them play I still somehow know I’m right about their team makeup. Anyways. Result- Akron keeps proving LeBron James wrong, or something like that. Whatever. Narratives.

#11 Minnesota vs. #14 Better than Northwestern – A matchup of the newest B1G member Northwestern State and the team that everybody always forgets when they try to list off all of the B1G teams. This game is hopefully being played near a black hole. Result- The Gophers stay Golden, Pony Boy.

#7 San Diego State vs. #15 Florida Golf Course – The golf course has a chip on their shoulder as they try to putt away their opponent by driving the ball down the middle. When’s golf weather going to get here? 😦 Result- The Golf Course keeps on golfing er playing basketball or whatever they do down there. They won, is what I’m trying to say.

Help. Me.

East Region Round 6

#1 Indiana vs. #9 Bill Cosby University – Indiana will lose this game if there is any justice in the world. Tom Crean deserves to lose. He’s really earned it. Result- No justice in this cruel, cruel world. The Hoosiers didn’t lose.

#5 UNLV vs. #4 Syracus – The overrated Rebels against the overrated Jim Boeheim. Who is going to live up to their expectation of falling short of expectations? Result- Syracuse exceeds our wildest dreams and crashes and burns in the sixth round!

#6 Butler vs. #14 Davidson – Butler is always a tough out in March, but the fighting Steph Curry’s haven’t lost in a while (thanks Google.) Should be a dandy matchup. Result- Butler wins when Steph Curry doesn’t play for Davidson anymore.

#7 Illinois vs. #15 Pacific Ocean – Well if a hurricane couldn’t beat the Pacific Ocean, then the state of Illinois doesn’t stand a chance. Result- This just in, the state of Illinois is so boring and dry that it has sucked up all of the Pacific Ocean. Illini stay ill. [quits]

I need a break from this or I’m going to throw up.

Midwest Region Sexy Sixteen

#9 Missouri vs. #12 Oregon Football University – If Oregon wins this one, their name will officially be changed to Seriously? Basketball? And if Mizzoo wins we all get a zoo. (fingers crossed) Result- Seriously? Basketball?

#14 Valphowarewestillinthisthing vs. #7 Cray!! – Seriously Valpo, go away. I’m really pulling for Cray!! here. Result- On the next round is CRAY!!

West Region Sexy Sixteen

#16 LULZ vs. #4 Kansas State – As likely as this matchup is to happen, something crazy always happens in March. That’s why they call it March Madness. It’s too bad though, I’d love to see LULZ take on the other team at Bill Snyder’s University. Result- Stupid Kansas State wins. Fun suckers.

#3 New Mexico vs. #2 Ohio – This is weirdly normal and somewhat expected. If New Mexico wins I’m going to have to Google what a Lobo is, so go Ohio? Result- JK LOBOS WIN AND EVERYBODY IS HAPPY!

South Region Sexy Sixteen

#1 Kansas vs. #12 Akron – This will probably happen. And K.U (U of K?) will probably win. You know what they say, that’s why we flip the coin. Result- Bill Self hammertimes his way to the next round.

#11 Minnesota vs. #15 Florida Golf Club – In light of their recent NCAA success Florida Golf Course has been upgraded to a Florida Golf Club! How riveting! Maybe they’ll become a country club if they win it all! Result- This was the craziest flip of the day as I really got a hold of the penny and it flung into parts unknown. Took me a couple minutes to find it. It was a nerve-wracking experience to say the lease, but The Golf Club pulls it off miraculously on the first playoff hole!

East Region Sexy Sixteen

#1 Indiana vs. #5 UNLV – Seriously, I just want Indiana to be out. My team has long been eliminated and now all I can hope for is a Hoosier loss. Result- Fucking coin. Hoosiers win.

#6 Butler vs. #7 Illinois – Illinois is now fully saturated from sucking up the entire Pacific Ocean last round and I’m not sure they have enough left to take down the Butts. Result- Yes they do! Illinois somehow advances. Even in a coin-flip bracket it doesn’t seem possible.

Trips to the final four are on the line! I’m going to dive into my chicken burrito now, because if there is one thing that helps food poisoning it’s more Taco Bell.

Midwest Region Eagletastic Eight

#12 Seriously? Basketball? vs. #7 CRAY!! – Find me another bracket that has this matchup and I’ll call you a fucking liar and burn that bracket right in front of you! Result- Seriously? Basketball? wins and changes their name again. This time to “REALLY?! We’re good at basketball? :(” This is Pulitzer winning shit y’all.

Here’s how the bracket shook out.


West Region Evil Eight

#4 Kansas State vs. #3 New Mexico – On my bracket it says “Aww, man. Fun suckers” vs. “What is a lobo?” Not quite sure what to make of that. Come to think of it I’m not even sure New Mexico’s mascot is a lobo, or whatever. I don’t think anybody really cares. Result- The fun suckers prevail.

Here’s this bracket.


South Region Everyman’s Eight

#1 Dyslexic Kansas vs. Florida Golf Club – Nobody likes Kansas outside of Kansas so everybody chant along with me. GOLF CLUB! GOLF CLUB! GOLF CLUB! GOLF CLUB! GOLF CLUB! Result- The dream dies as Kansas sets fire to the Golf Club and drives all of their carts into water hazards.

Here’s the South bracket.


East Region Whatever Eight

#1 Indiana vs. #7 Illinois – FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET THIS COIN LAND ON TAILS. The Illini beat Indian once, so they can do it again, right? RIGHT?! Result- NO! NO! NO! SHIT NO!

And the dumb East bracket.


Way too much cilantro on that chicken burrito and I’m dead.


#12 REALLY?! We’re good at basketball?! 😦 vs. #4 Kansas State Fun Suckers – This is what my bracket has come down to and I’m embarrassed. Result- Kansas State wins and nobody cares about it, because it’s almost football time.

#1 Kansas vs. #1 Stupid Indiana – I couldn’t be more pissed that both one seeds are in the final four. Coin-flip brackets are dumb. I don’t even care anymore, but c’mon Kansas. Result- This isn’t real. Indiana moves on to the finals.

National Championship Game

#4 Kansas State vs. #1 Indiana – If I just spent two hours flipping a dumb penny, eating shitty food and writing all of this dumb bullshit for Indiana to win a COIN-FLIP bracket I’m going to break everything I own and move to Switzerland. Please. God. Result- Switzerland it is. I can’t even. I’m going to die.

I regret doing this and I hate everything. Whatever.

Here’s the final bracket.



Chad Billins Staying in Michigan

If you were wondering what Chad was going to do after the Ferris State Bulldogs hockey season ended, you didn’t have to wait long. Like most college hockey seniors, Chad signed with an AHL team immediately after the season ended. It was announced today on that Chad Billins, the 22 year old from Marysville, Michigan, has signed the defenseman to an amateur tryout.

The Grand Rapids Griffins are an affiliate to the hometown Detroit Red Wings as well. Maybe one day we will get to see Chad wearing the red and white. Good luck to Chad in his future which is looking really bright right now.


Here is  the link to the site where I found the information if anyone would like to take a look at it

1-3-1 Fantasy Baseball Draft Results

Miguel’s Tequila Bar (Zach Tanton)
1. (1) Miguel Cabrera(Det – 1B)
2. (20) Tim Lincecum(SF – SP)
3. (21) Ian Kinsler(Tex – 2B)
4. (40) Pablo Sandoval(SF – 1B,3B)
5. (41) Hunter Pence(Phi – OF)
6. (60) Asdrubal Cabrera(Cle – SS)
7. (61) Michael Cuddyer(Col – 1B,2B,OF)
8. (80) Jason Heyward(Atl – OF)
9. (81) C.J. Wilson(LAA – SP)
10. (100) Joe Mauer(Min – C,1B)
11. (101) Brian Wilson(SF – RP)
12. (120) Shaun Marcum(Mil – SP)
13. (121) Nick Swisher(NYY – 1B,OF)
14. (140) Ervin Santana(LAA – SP)
15. (141) Chris Young(Ari – OF)
16. (160) Doug Fister(Det – SP)
17. (161) Joe Nathan(Tex – RP)
18. (180) Carlos Peña(TB – 1B)
19. (181) Alfredo Aceves(Bos – SP,RP)
20. (200) Yadier Molina(StL – C)
21. (201) Matt Joyce(TB – OF)
The Parkman Shimmy (Joe Cook)
1. (2) Matt Kemp(LAD – OF)
2. (19) Cliff Lee(Phi – SP)
3. (22) Curtis Granderson(NYY – OF)
4. (39) Starlin Castro(ChC – SS)
5. (42) David Price(TB – SP)
6. (59) Michael Young(Tex – 1B,2B,3B)
7. (62) Brandon Phillips(Cin – 2B)
8. (79) Ian Kennedy(Ari – SP)
9. (82) Jonathan Papelbon(Phi – RP)
10. (99) Carlos Beltrán(StL – OF)
11. (102) Miguel Montero(Ari – C)
12. (119) Emilio Bonifacio(Mia – 3B,SS,OF)
13. (122) J.J. Putz(Ari – RP)
14. (139) Anibal Sánchez(Mia – SP)
15. (142) Carlos Mármol(ChC – RP)
16. (159) J.J. Hardy(Bal – SS)
17. (162) Hiroki Kuroda(NYY – SP)
18. (179) Jhonny Peralta(Det – SS)
19. (182) Torii Hunter(LAA – OF)
20. (199) Colby Lewis(Tex – SP)
21. (202) Neftali Feliz(Tex – RP)
Agamemnon (Codie Shovan)
1. (3) Albert Pujols(LAA – 1B)
2. (18) Dustin Pedroia(Bos – 2B)
3. (23) José Reyes(Mia – SS)
4. (38) Matt Holliday(StL – OF)
5. (43) Desmond Jennings(TB – OF)
6. (58) Jon Lester(Bos – SP)
7. (63) Kevin Youkilis(Bos – 1B,3B)
8. (78) Buster Posey(SF – C)
9. (83) Lance Berkman(StL – 1B,OF)
10. (98) Daniel Hudson(Ari – SP)
11. (103) Mat Latos(Cin – SP)
12. (118) Logan Morrison(Mia – OF)
13. (123) Michael Pineda(NYY – SP)
14. (138) Cory Luebke(SD – SP,RP)
15. (143) Rafael Betancourt(Col – RP)
16. (158) Ted Lilly(LAD – SP)
17. (163) Javy Guerra(LAD – RP)
18. (178) Peter Bourjos(LAA – OF)
19. (183) Jemile Weeks(Oak – 2B)
20. (198) Colby Rasmus(Tor – OF)
21. (203) Mike Moustakas(KC – 3B)
Harvey’s Wallbangers (Alex Freeman)
1. (4) Troy Tulowitzki(Col – SS)
2. (17) Roy Halladay(Phi – SP)
3. (24) Andrew McCutchen(Pit – OF)
4. (37) Zack Greinke(Mil – SP)
5. (44) Mike Napoli(Tex – C,1B)
6. (57) Yovani Gallardo(Mil – SP)
7. (64) Eric Hosmer(KC – 1B)
8. (77) Rickie Weeks(Mil – 2B)
9. (84) Adam Jones(Bal – OF)
10. (97) Carl Crawford(Bos – OF)
11. (104) Freddie Freeman(Atl – 1B)
12. (117) Brett Gardner(NYY – OF)
13. (124) David Freese(StL – 3B)
14. (137) Billy Butler(KC – 1B)
15. (144) Max Scherzer(Det – SP)
16. (157) Brandon League(Sea – RP)
17. (164) Jhoulys Chacin(Col – SP)
18. (177) Grant Balfour(Oak – RP)
19. (184) Delmon Young(Det – OF)
20. (197) Jim Johnson(Bal – RP)
21. (204) Ryan Roberts(Ari – 2B,3B)
myPujolsburns (Matt Kehoe)
1. (5) José Bautista(Tor – 3B,OF)
2. (16) Clayton Kershaw(LAD – SP)
3. (25) Hanley Ramírez(Mia – SS)
4. (36) Jered Weaver(LAA – SP)
5. (45) Álex Rodríguez(NYY – 3B)
6. (56) Matt Cain(SF – SP)
7. (65) Shin-Soo Choo(Cle – OF)
8. (76) Shane Victorino(Phi – OF)
9. (85) Yu Darvish(Tex – SP)
10. (96) Drew Stubbs(Cin – OF)
11. (105) Matt Wieters(Bal – C)
12. (116) Paul Goldschmidt(Ari – 1B)
13. (125) Joel Hanrahan(Pit – RP)
14. (136) Jason Kipnis(Cle – 2B)
15. (145) Chris Carpenter(StL – SP)
16. (156) Huston Street(SD – RP)
17. (165) Kyle Farnsworth(TB – RP)
18. (176) Adam Lind(Tor – 1B)
19. (185) Coco Crisp(Oak – OF)
20. (196) Kendrys Morales(LAA – 1B,OF)
21. (205) Ian Desmond(Was – SS)
Milwaukee Beers (Anthony Walker)
1. (6) Ryan Braun(Mil – OF)
2. (15) Jacoby Ellsbury(Bos – OF)
3. (26) Mark Teixeira(NYY – 1B)
4. (35) Nelson Cruz(Tex – OF)
5. (46) Carlos Santana(Cle – C,1B)
6. (55) Ben Zobrist(TB – 2B,OF)
7. (66) Alex Gordon(KC – OF)
8. (75) Mariano Rivera(NYY – RP)
9. (86) John Axford(Mil – RP)
10. (95) Matt Garza(ChC – SP)
11. (106) Derek Jeter(NYY – SS)
12. (115) Jordan Zimmermann(Was – SP)
13. (126) Ricky Romero(Tor – SP)
14. (135) Jordan Walden(LAA – RP)
15. (146) Martín Prado(Atl – 3B,OF)
16. (155) Johnny Cueto(Cin – SP)
17. (166) Wandy Rodríguez(Hou – SP)
18. (175) Jesus Montero(Sea – Util)
19. (186) Austin Jackson(Det – OF)
20. (195) Brennan Boesch(Det – OF)
21. (206) Derek Holland(Tex – SP)
Henry Rowengartner (Dan Stone)
1. (7) Joey Votto(Cin – 1B)
2. (14) Evan Longoria(TB – 3B)
3. (27) Giancarlo Stanton(Mia – OF)
4. (34) Cole Hamels(Phi – SP)
5. (47) Brett Lawrie(Tor – 3B)
6. (54) Jay Bruce(Cin – OF)
7. (67) Michael Morse(Was – 1B,OF)
8. (74) Madison Bumgarner(SF – SP)
9. (87) Matt Moore(TB – RP)
10. (94) Adam Wainwright(StL – SP)
11. (107) Tommy Hanson(Atl – SP)
12. (114) Brandon Beachy(Atl – SP)
13. (127) José Valverde(Det – RP)
14. (134) Alexei Ramírez(CWS – SS)
15. (147) Dustin Ackley(Sea – 2B)
16. (154) Jason Motte(StL – RP)
17. (167) J.P. Arencibia(Tor – C)
18. (174) Nick Markakis(Bal – OF)
19. (187) Neil Walker(Pit – 2B)
20. (194) Lucas Duda(NYM – 1B,OF)
21. (207) Álex Ríos(CWS – OF)
Oscar Meyer Weiters (Dan Etz)
1. (8) Robinson Canó(NYY – 2B)
2. (13) Carlos González(Col – OF)
3. (28) Adrián Béltre(Tex – 3B)
4. (33) Ryan Zimmerman(Was – 3B)
5. (48) Dan Haren(LAA – SP)
6. (53) Paul Konerko(CWS – 1B)
7. (68) B.J. Upton(TB – OF)
8. (73) Jimmy Rollins(Phi – SS)
9. (88) James Shields(TB – SP)
10. (93) Drew Storen(Was – RP)
11. (108) Jayson Werth(Was – OF)
12. (113) Heath Bell(Mia – RP)
13. (128) Andrew Bailey(Bos – RP)
14. (133) Brandon Morrow(Tor – SP)
15. (148) Jaime García(StL – SP)
16. (153) Ryan Dempster(ChC – SP)
17. (168) Geovany Soto(ChC – C)
18. (173) Ike Davis(NYM – 1B)
19. (188) Erick Aybar(LAA – SS)
20. (193) Dexter Fowler(Col – OF)
21. (208) Jose Tabata(Pit – OF)
Team Joan Baez (Pat McCallum)
1. (9) Prince Fielder(Det – 1B)
2. (12) Justin Verlander(Det – SP)
3. (29) CC Sabathia(NYY – SP)
4. (32) David Wright(NYM – 3B)
5. (49) Elvis Andrus(Tex – SS)
6. (52) Craig Kimbrel(Atl – RP)
7. (69) Michael Bourn(Atl – OF)
8. (72) Howie Kendrick(LAA – 1B,2B,OF)
9. (89) Ichiro Suzuki(Sea – OF)
10. (92) Alex Avila(Det – C)
11. (109) Josh Johnson(Mia – SP)
12. (112) Corey Hart(Mil – OF)
13. (129) Josh Beckett(Bos – SP)
14. (132) David Ortiz(Bos – Util)
15. (149) Ryan Madson(Cin – RP)
16. (152) Joakim Soria(KC – RP)
17. (169) Tim Hudson(Atl – SP)
18. (172) Mark Reynolds(Bal – 1B,3B)
19. (189) Jeff Francoeur(KC – OF)
20. (192) Yunel Escobar(Tor – SS)
21. (209) Chris Pérez(Cle – RP)
Shave Your Furbush (Wil Hunter)
1. (10) Adrián González(Bos – 1B)
2. (11) Justin Upton(Ari – OF)
3. (30) Félix Hernández(Sea – SP)
4. (31) Josh Hamilton(Tex – OF)
5. (50) Dan Uggla(Atl – 2B)
6. (51) Stephen Strasburg(Was – SP)
7. (70) Brian McCann(Atl – C)
8. (71) Aramis Ramírez(Mil – 3B)
9. (90) Yoenis Céspedes(Oak – OF)
10. (91) Dee Gordon(LAD – SS)
11. (110) Andre Ethier(LAD – OF)
12. (111) Gio González(Was – SP)
13. (130) Cameron Maybin(SD – OF)
14. (131) Ubaldo Jiménez(Cle – SP)
15. (150) Sergio Santos(Tor – RP)
16. (151) Jeremy Hellickson(TB – SP)
17. (170) Ryan Howard(Phi – 1B)
18. (171) Melky Cabrera(SF – OF)
19. (190) Frank Francisco(NYM – RP)
20. (191) Aroldis Chapman(Cin – RP)
21. (210) Chase Utley(Phi – 2B)

The Question is: Where do I fit in?

When a person is going to play a pick up game of any sport, a few questions should be asked. This will assure the participant that there will be no conflict with the other players, and also prove that they belong there. No matter what sport you plan on playing (Basketball and Hockey will be talked about it this article). Asking yourself these simple questions is a must.

The first question is: Do I belong playing with this group?

If you have never played that particular sport its probably not the best idea to go. No matter how good your understanding of the game is, playing the game and watching/studying the game is a whole new ball game. Just because you watch hockey does not mean you can get out there on the ice and play how they do on t.v. Same thing with basketball, sure you can sit down and watch a NBA game every night of the week, but when you’re out on the court yourself its definitely not the same. As a person that have never played hockey in my life, I would never think of going to drop-in and playing. For starters, I’m like Luis Mendoza on skates, I cant stop to save my life, and I feel like i would piss off everyone else that was out on the ice. I feel like playing pick-up basketball, I am that pissed of guy sometimes. By no means am I saying that i am a great basketball player, I do have a great understanding of the game though. If you stand out on the court and do not move around at all, or even come close to breaking a sweat, trust me you should not be playing a pick-up game.

Second Question: Am I properly dressed for the sport?

Trust me, showing up in jeans, jean shorts, cargo shorts, or any other type of clothing that is not gym shorts, you cant be taken seriously. I mean lets be honest, who even wears jorts anymore? In all honesty though, if you show up like that, probably not the best idea. I would try and talk about hockey in this question, but I have no clue what would be unacceptable to show up in.

Third Question: Do i have the right equipment to participate?

Again, the right articles of clothing are the top priority, but please do not show up to play a pick up game in Converse or any non-support shoe. Not only do you look silly, there is a potential injury right around the corner.  Also, unless you are just messing around with your buddies, try and stay away from the headbands and the Arm-Sleeves. This is not the NBA.

Fourth Question: When is the right time to shoot?

Basketball is a team sport, and I emphasize the word team. Everyone has to do there job on the floor whether it is to rebound, play defense, set screens, or score. These roles should be determined quickly in a pick up game to avoid any type of frustration between teammates. With that being said, anyone can score though. Quick rule of thumb, if you have taken a few shots with all of them being misses it is probably a good idea to start passing more. Otherwise the consequences could result in being cut-off from the even touching the ball.

Authors Note: If this article seems to be a lashing out, it is in a way. That was not my intention when i began writing this article though, the juices got flowing and it was hard to contain them. It is just a result of playing pick-up sports and I am sure after reading this, everyone can relate to exactly what was said in this article.


Author: Zach Tanton

Fantasy Baseball Action Blog!

Can't wait!

Hello there loyal readership, and welcome to the first-annual Fantasy Baseball Draft Live Blog, hosted exclusively by the President and CEO of the “Miguel Cabreras” who currently play in “CLEVE’S LEAGUE” on ESPN. As I have never participated in a fantasy baseball league before, nor do I have much desire to do so now, I thought it would be interesting (or irelevant) to write about the draft as it is happening. I will be updating this post every once-in-a-while over the next four days (which is the average length of a fantasy baseball draft according to multiple sources close to the situation) bringing you live updates about all the stuff that I know nothing about in the fantasy baseball world.

12:11 pm

We are currently 19 minutes from draft time, and I hold the 7th pick out of 10. I still have no idea who I will select (besides Adam Dunn), though I hope Miguel Cabrera falls to me since he stole my team name for his name name. Stay tuned for updates on this breaking news report! And if you have any helpful advice, I really need it.

12:27 pm

3 minutes to draft time! Are you as excited as I’m not? I have actually been working on my national championship viewing plans for tonight instead of doing any research – “research is for turds,” according to several unnamed sources close to the situation.

12:31 pm

The draft has begun! In a stunning turn of events (actually I have no idea if it is stunning or not), team “Lexington Swagg” has selected Adrian Gonzalez. I hate the red sox more than Rick Santorum, so this was quite disappointing.

12:31:30 pm

“And with the second pick in the 2012 CLEVE’S LEAUGE draft, the BX BLAZERS select Miguel Cabrera, first basemen from the Detroit Tigers.” This was my best Roger Goodell impression, and I thought it went pretty well. I also now realize that I have lost all hope of winning the league because my team – the Miguel Cabreras – does not own Miguel Cabrera. Looks like the new name will have to be … the Adam Dunns. That sounds better anyway.

12:37 pm

I’m officially on the clock! What a rush of pure adrenaline and emotion (or is that hunger?)! Who the heck should I take? Looks like it will be either Troy Tulowitzki or Robinson Cano. In case you didn’t know this, I’m a secret Yankees fan living in Michigan, so the pick will be … Cano! I have now decided to draft exclusively Yankees for the rest of time. My hope of winning the league is restored! It has also become apparent that only 2 other gentlemen are currently logged in and live-drafting with me (the rest of our dedicated and excited league members appear to have either forgotten about the draft or have been murdered). I now feel completely like a loser – though Lexington Swagg and Team Murphy (what creativity with that team name!) can keep me company.

12:43 pm

This live blog thing is wearing me out, I’ve already polished off peanut butter and jelly sandwich number 2. Here’s how the first round played out:

1. Adrian Gonzo 2. Miguel 3. Pujols 4. Matt Kemp 5. Ryan Braun 6. Jose Bautista 7. Robinson “I’m leading the Yankees to their 28th title” Cano 8. Troy Tulowitzki 9. Jacoby Ellsbury 10. Joey Votto

In the second round, I quickly snatched up Hanley Ramirez with the 13th pick, confirming that he will have an utterly disastrous season after Reyes grabs the headlines and Ozzie yells something at him in Spanish.

12:55 pm

This fantasy draft is kicking my (pardon my french) derrière. With everyone on autopick, the draft is cruising by and I barely know who has been selected. I already have 7 players on my team (make that 8), including (barf) Lance “I won’t be good now that Pujols bolted for LA” Berkman who I accidentally picked trying to switch between writing this and making a selection. My head is spinning right now, and my team looks worse than whatever the Mets are gonna trot out this season.

1:01 pm


1:04 pm

Quick update of my team so far:

Matt Wieters (yuck), Teixeira, Cano, Ramirez, Alexei Ramirez (new team name – “Ramirez Bros” whadya think?), Paul Konerko, Berkman, Carl Crawford (WHAT!?!), Cole Hamels, Zack “Who am I?” Greinke, and Matt Garza

Aaaaand, I’m back on the clock again. This is like p90X, only more of a workout.

1:09 pm

So here’s my justification for selecting Carl Crawford with the 74th pick in the draft – this really is a win-win (I hate that expression) situation for me: either Crawford has a monster bounce-back year and proves that he can, in fact, hit a baseball (his production was so stunningly low last year that something had to be amiss), or he actually is terrible now and I can make fun of Boston fans for the rest of my life for giving this guy a $132 billion contract. In fact, I think I’d rather have the later happen. Oh, and I just picked Joel “I’ve never heard of you because you play in Pittsburgh” Hanrahan with the 127th pick. I figured this would be a good selection because I went to school with a Tommy Hanrahan and he was a decent dude (and played baseball – another win-win!)

1:12 pm

I’m desperate for a 3B and there are none in sight. The next highest rated 3B according to whatever is appearing on my “Fantasy Dashboard” right now is … (searching) … Mark Reynolds. But he plays for Baltimore and that would give me two Orioles, much more than I wanted pre-draft. Looks like I’m going to take  … Cameron Maybin, who will also suck because I have the worst luck when it comes to fantasy teams (I took Brady in the 1st round when his leg exploded in the first game a few years ago) – sorry Padres fans, if there are any of you left.

1:17 pm

Mark Reynolds was only ranked 5 spots lower than my drafting spot when I came “up to bat” (a baseball expression) in the billionth round – but my boy Nick Swisher was starring me in the face (closet Yankees fan, remember). So I threw caution to the wind and took Swisher, hoping that Martin Prado would fall to me with the 167th pick (I’m sure I’ve heard that before)

1:18 pm

Prado and Reynolds taken 163 and 164, respectively. That worked out well. Now my 3B is … Brandon Inge?

1:22 pm

Edwin Encarnacion’s name keeps creeping towards me in the draft line (the 202nd ranked player according to whoever has time to rank 202 baseball players). That makes me want to puke, though not as much as selecting “Chris Sale,” RP for the Chicago White Sox. I’m putting together quite the rotation, complete with Carlos Marm … wait, I don’t want him! I’ll take Josh Willingham with the 194th pick! If you’re in Vegas loyal readership, make sure you put down $100 on Marmol to win the NL Cy Young.

1:29 pm

“Gavin Floyd held [somebody] scoreless in 5 innings yesterday” according to ESPN. Sign him up as pick 207. Next up, Auto pick suggests I take … gulp … Encarnacion. Well, at least I tried hard this season. Sign him up too (long sigh).

1:31 pm

You won’t believe it loyal readership, Adam Dunn is still available. The man I joked about roughly 18 hours ago at the top of this blog (it feels more like 18 days) is riding up the list towards my team at pick 227. It’s either him or Yoenis Cespedes (I wish my name was Yoenis). I’m now on the clock, so it’s gonna be … Dunn! What the heck, he’s gotta do better this year, right? I now have 3 white sox filling up the roster, woot woot!

1:34 pm

Two picks to go, folks! If you have been following every word of this live blog with me today, then you seriously need something better to do (join your own Fantasy Baseball League!). I’m going to go ahead and gobble up Ryan Raburn with the 234th pick. Sleeper alert!!!! One more pick to go …

1:38 pm

Whoever Kenley Jansen is, he is the last member of the 2012 Miguel Cabreras (I really need to change that). And after Mr. Irrelevant is selected (Aroldis Chapman, not too bad actually), our draft is complete. I now have carpal tunnel (I had to look up how to spell that) and I have read more baseball names (that I have never head before) in the last 68 minutes than in my entire 22 years of existence combined.

1:44 pm

Here’s my final notes for the draft: 1. Carl Crawford is out 2 weeks recovering from wrist surgery. I had no idea. I hate myself (I picked him 74th). 2. Kenley Jansen is only owned in 55% of ESPN fantasy leagues! Come on people, this is Kenley Jansen! 3. I’m sticking with the name “Miguel Cabreras,” hoping this will trick our league commissioner into moving him onto my roster. 4. Adam Dunn is my secret to success this year (I’m only 95% kidding about that).

Well that does it loyal readership. 1 hour and 16 minutes after it began, and I have a 9th place fantasy baseball league team (I can beat somebody, I know it). I already have 44.5 points somehow (I have no idea how), good enough for 7th in the league! I’ve offically run out of things to write for Put Away the Whistle for the next 3 months, so keep selecting us in your Google search and I’ll see you in August! Till next time loyal readership

Here's the final roster, come on Adam Dunn!


Dan “Fantasy Baseball Expert” Etz

Billins and Motte Advance to the Frozen Four

It’s always nice to see local kids making big impacts. In this case, we have two great hockey players from this area in the Frozen Four of college hockey. Both Chad Billins and CJ Motte play for Ferris State University and will be playing in the Frozen Four against Union College next Thursday. Ferris State at one point was ranked #1 in the country and have been playing very good hockey.

The (25-11-5) Ferris State Bulldogs have been led this year by their captain and Marysville, Michigan native Chad Billins. He has had an incredible year, and as a defenseman ended up 3rd on the team in points with 29 points. I was fortunate enough to play two and a half years with Chad, and even though we were only 14 years old, you could see how good Chad was. He was a great teammate on and off the ice. To this day I tell people that he is the smartest hockey player I have had the pleasure of playing with. Chad has played with a lot of great teams in the state of Michigan. He quickly went from a state champion Blue Water Wild team to Detroit Little Caesars AAA hockey club.  The very next year moved to Alpena in the NAHL and another year later to Waterloo in the USHL. It happened so fast for Chad and within a few years saw himself in a Ferris State  uniform where he has thrived. He still has at least 1 and at the most 2 games left with Ferris depending on if they win their semifinal matchup with Union College, but Chad’s hockey days will not end there. Right after the season is over NHL teams can sign seniors playing college hockey. Without a doubt the future is looking bright for Chad and should be signed and end up in either the NHL or the AHL after the season is over.

CJ Motte has to be happy with his decision to go to Ferris State University. His first year with the team and he is already on the verge of playing for a national championship. He has played outstanding in the 12 games he has started and posted a 1.98 Goals Against Average and .925 save percentage during the regular season. CJ is also a local hockey player, and grew up in the city of St.Clair, Michigan. CJ also played AAA hockey for Honeybaked. Although it was just after Chad had left Waterloo for Ferris, CJ Motte also played for Waterloo last year. CJ is not the only one in the family with hockey skill either. He has a younger brother who currently plays for the US Under 17 NTDP. He played for Honeybaked AAA last year and has already verbally committed to the University of Michigan. This means we could potentially see a matchup of brothers in a few years if their 2 teams meet. The futures of all 3 local hockey players are very promising and it’s exciting to see these great people on and off the ice succeed as they are.

If you’re interested in watching CJ and Chad play, tune in to ESPNU at 4:30 PM on Thursday April 5th. They will be taking on Union College in the semifinal. The final will be played on Saturday April 7th at 7:00 PM and can be found on ESPN2. So tune in, and support these local athletes as they strive to achieve greatness in the form of a national championship.

Author: Anthony Walker